Anais Nin is broke. Her husband gives her an allowance, but by the fourth of the month, it is gone. She is providing for her friends, paying for for rent, doctors, clothes, food. She owns only two pairs of mended stockings, two pairs of worn out shoes. She has no cold cream or face powder. There's no wine, no coal.
Yet, she feels happy and lovely. When you care for people, you are attractive to not only them, but to yourself. Anais has been asking herself since her father told her she was ugly in her youth if she was beautiful. She looked in the mirror, she looked into the eyes of boys and of the painters for whom she modeled. She had a turning point as a model and started to feel beautiful, exotic, different from the others.
Many people, probably women in particular, lack confidence in their youth. By the time they are in their twenties or thirties, they realize they are not so bad, they are okay, and wonder why they were so hard on themselves and had so many doubts when they were younger. All this time worrying and wondering was wasted time, they now realize.
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