Psychoanalysis with Dr. Rene Allendy begins. On her first visit with him, Anais Nin tells about her life in general and emphasizes how independent she is, and he responds with, "In spite of that, you seem to lack confidence." Boom, he really hit the nail on the head! Anais feels that her father never wanted her, was over-critical, never pleased, called her ugly, so she withdrew and became independent, self-sufficient, with no needs she could not meet herself. At the same time, she admits to her hypersensitivity, her need for reassurance, her need to be loved, and her need to be understood. Maybe she is not so independent as she thinks?
Anais decides to visit Dr. Allendy infrequently so as to give herself time to absorb the information they discuss, and at the same time, make her less dependent on him. She is torn with wanting to confide in a human being the same way she confides in her Diary, to confess to a human being her shortcomings, but she is not willing or able to let down her guard and risk being loved less.
Some people "wear their heart on their sleeve" whereas others are closed to others they don't know or trust. Past hurts lead to fears and mistrust and lack of confidence and can really interfere with your present life. I can certainly identify with Anais, and that is why I am so inspired by her. She just put herself out there, lived through her fears, and came out a confident, articulate woman.
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