Anais Nin continues to explore her anger, which she realizes she is full of and has been holding back. She writes about revelations she has during / after her discussions with Dr. Bogner, her psychoanalyst.
"I fear my anger. The real problem is what to do with the anger. I have stifled it so long that I have packed it like dynamite. I have stored it and now it threatens to come out in explosions I fear. The day we discussed my anger I could only express bodily pain: a constricted throat, backache, headache, tension, tightness. I was using all my energy to suppress it. And I left Bogner with this rising tide of anger controlled. It is my conviction that anger is corrosive. So I displace it, attach it to peripheral places or people. After this I felt lighter. Just to have acknowledged the anger."
I identify with Anais in that I have felt that displays of anger are to be avoided, but then the anger is still there and it grows inside you like a cancer. You get to middle age and realize you are full of it and don't know how to express it or get it out. You have headaches and wonder if this is part of the mind-body connection. Some of the things you are angry about date back 10 plus years.
I guess it boils down to free will. We largely create our own experiences and can decide how we respond to anything: with love or with hate. Responding with hate leads to anger, bitterness, cynicism. OK, so we responded to something with hate 10 years ago, and the feelings have grown into a huge, ugly monster inside of us - how do we get rid of that now?
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