Anais continues to be plagued by depression, mainly because she spends so much time re-reading past entries of her diaries to get material for her fiction, and it keeps past pains alive in her present. She wishes she could create fiction out of her imagination, but she seems unable to and must draw on her own experiences.
She also continues to be filled with anxiety, doubt, and fears. Anais says that "anxiety is the one thing we cannot place on the shoulders of others, it suffocates them. It is the one contagious illness of the spirit one must preserve from others, if one loves." She discusses her anxiety with various analysts over the years, but doesn't reveal it with her close friends.
Anais is splitting her time between California and New York these days. She believes life to be less toxic in Los Angeles than in New York. The people seem to be more relaxed and carefree, with life revolving more around the beach than with money and success. Californians are influenced by the lifestyle of the Mexicans (siestas and celebrations) and the Japanese (gardens).
She is learning to drive and feels freedom and a quest for health and beauty as she spends time suntanning and swimming, but still wonders, "Am I not made for happiness?"
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