Anais sails to New York with Dr. Rank and leaves behind Henry, her father, her husband. She believes psychoanalysis has enabled the birth of the "real me." She is escaping the mothering of these men so that she can begin a life of her own. She plans to stay in New York for two months.
This is the end of the Diary of Anais Nin, Volume One, 1931-1934, which covers the period of winter, 1931 to November, 1934. During this time, Anais Nin has been writing: she just finished her D.H. Lawrence study and has worked on House of Incest and Winter of Artifice; she lives in Louvciennes, a rented home she has decorated in a suburb of Paris; she has met Henry and June Miller; she has been reunited with her father; she has begun psychoanalysis with Dr. Rene Allendy and Dr. Otto Rank; she has delivered a stillborn baby girl; and she has spent hours in Paris cafes, walking the sidewalks of Paris, seeing movies, discussing books.
I am eager to begin Volume Two, 1934-1939, to see what develops during her stay in New York and subsequent return to Paris.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
September, 1934: Three Selves
In this entry of The Diary of Anais Nin, Volume One, Anais speaks of being divided into three selves:
She is Mrs. Guiler, living in Louvciennes, with a maid, running a household, paying bills, writing novels and diaries.
She is Mrs. Miller, living in Villa Seurat, peeling her own potatoes and grinding her own coffee, using hand-me-down cups and towels, cleaning her own house, sitting in cafes, talking about books, smoking.
She is a third self, still in development, learning a profession so she may become independent. She is leaving Paris soon and going to New York for two months to assist Dr. Otto Rank.
It reminds me of how at times my inner self and my outer self don't match, are in conflict, and how this takes more energy than just being who I really am. Anais is still finding, discovering, creating herself, as I believe we all are for our entire lives.
She is Mrs. Guiler, living in Louvciennes, with a maid, running a household, paying bills, writing novels and diaries.
She is Mrs. Miller, living in Villa Seurat, peeling her own potatoes and grinding her own coffee, using hand-me-down cups and towels, cleaning her own house, sitting in cafes, talking about books, smoking.
She is a third self, still in development, learning a profession so she may become independent. She is leaving Paris soon and going to New York for two months to assist Dr. Otto Rank.
It reminds me of how at times my inner self and my outer self don't match, are in conflict, and how this takes more energy than just being who I really am. Anais is still finding, discovering, creating herself, as I believe we all are for our entire lives.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
August, 1934: Birth
Anais Nin is pregnant with Henry Miller's child, and she does not want to be a mother to a child; she feels like she is already a mother to so many other people who need her. And she wants to be free. She quotes D.H. Lawrence who says, "Do not bring any more children into the world; bring hope into the world." She also feels like bringing this child into the world would result in another child being abandoned by a father as she had been. She feels like not being born at all, dying in the warmth and safety of the womb, is better than being born then being abandoned in the cruel world. After "the birth" is over, she does feel some regret about the little girl she will never know but also feels a stronger connection with God as though she has had a religious experience.
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