Anais Nin continues to write erotica for the collector. The Diary falls by the wayside because she actually makes money for the erotica she writes - $100 for 100 pages. Her earnings from erotica pay for her friend's medical bills and traveling expenses; she cooks her own meals, and her maid comes only once a week.
She feels "mysteriously exhausted, deep down." Perhaps it is because she is giving up something that is meaningful to her, and she is is survival mode. Even though the world today knows Anais Nin as the woman who writes erotica, she does not want to be known as that woman; she was to be known as a real writer. She is compromising her integrity and is feeling the effects on her mind, body, and spirit.
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