This is a story by Anais Nin written in late 1929 or early 1930, which was published in 1977. It is only two pages long, but is filled with several words which are not part of my vocabulary:
violaceous - of a violet color
sybaritic - luxurious, sensual, voluptuous
sibilance - having a hissing or hushing sound
paradic - paradise?
sylphidine - sylphide? one of the world's oldest surviving romantic ballets
refulgent - shining brightly
There was a man standing in the shadows, outside of life. Life was gathered around the fountain, where women carried jugs of water on their heads. This vision caused a myriad of sounds and feelings in his head, and he called it a dance. In the layers of sound, everything became clear to him, and his tears were washed away.
A woman danced within herself, where no one could see her, to music which no one could hear. It became a smooth livingness, "a dance within a dance, a dream within a dream, stretching to infinity, with the perpetual cadence of inviolate dancing, inviolate living."
Is this an awakening? Or a death?
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Saturday, September 14, 2013
The Russian Who Did Not Believe in Miracles and Why
This is another story published in 1977 and written around 1930. It is about a woman and a man who meet in a café in Paris, just before he plans to throw himself into the Seine. He explains, "I'm through. No more money, and no more hopes of getting any."
The woman encourages him to start a new life by looking at life differently, where anything could happen, by moving to a new home, by making new friends, by changing. She says, "only desire it, and it works like Aladdin's lamp." And don't use money as an excuse.
She tells him she has had a boring life on the outside, but an exciting one on the inside. He tells her she should become a dancer, and they agree to meet again to see how both of their lives have changed.
Months later, they meet again, and she is a dancer in the chorus. Nothing has changed with him. He tells her his story: a woman once met him when he was down on his luck as he is now and changed him, by believing in him, which brought out his play-writing talents. When he became happy and successful, she lost interest in him and left to work on the next case.
The man wants to wallow in pity and wants the woman to stop believing in miracles and wallow with him.
The woman encourages him to start a new life by looking at life differently, where anything could happen, by moving to a new home, by making new friends, by changing. She says, "only desire it, and it works like Aladdin's lamp." And don't use money as an excuse.
She tells him she has had a boring life on the outside, but an exciting one on the inside. He tells her she should become a dancer, and they agree to meet again to see how both of their lives have changed.
Months later, they meet again, and she is a dancer in the chorus. Nothing has changed with him. He tells her his story: a woman once met him when he was down on his luck as he is now and changed him, by believing in him, which brought out his play-writing talents. When he became happy and successful, she lost interest in him and left to work on the next case.
The man wants to wallow in pity and wants the woman to stop believing in miracles and wallow with him.
Friday, September 13, 2013
The Gypsy Feeling
This story was written by Anais Nin the last half of 1929 or first half of 1930 and was published in 1977. It is about two women: Mariette, who seems to represent Anais Nin, and Lolita, a wild, free "gypsy" woman.
Mariette is a quiet woman on the outside, with more going on inside her, but she is too timid to reveal herself. She has no fire, but she is nice. She writes newspaper articles about dancing.
Lolita, on the other hand, has "a fierce smile," "a dark gold skin," "polished breasts," "shining hair," "rich curves," "is warm and moist," with a "healthy animal odor." She is married and has seven children and is dancer in Paris. An admirer describes her dancing as "so passionate, so full of gypsy emotion."
As Mariette is typing up her article, she realizes that she feels like dancing and suddenly gets a gypsy feeling: "no more walls, no more boundaries, no thought." She could do anything and everything she wanted to, whenever she wanted. She could be free, on the open road, full of gypsy feeling.
The admirer from the dance shows up at her hotel. He sees that Mariette now has what Lolita has: "You've got it, you've got it, the gypsy feeling!" he says and invites her to dinner.
Mariette is a quiet woman on the outside, with more going on inside her, but she is too timid to reveal herself. She has no fire, but she is nice. She writes newspaper articles about dancing.
Lolita, on the other hand, has "a fierce smile," "a dark gold skin," "polished breasts," "shining hair," "rich curves," "is warm and moist," with a "healthy animal odor." She is married and has seven children and is dancer in Paris. An admirer describes her dancing as "so passionate, so full of gypsy emotion."
As Mariette is typing up her article, she realizes that she feels like dancing and suddenly gets a gypsy feeling: "no more walls, no more boundaries, no thought." She could do anything and everything she wanted to, whenever she wanted. She could be free, on the open road, full of gypsy feeling.
The admirer from the dance shows up at her hotel. He sees that Mariette now has what Lolita has: "You've got it, you've got it, the gypsy feeling!" he says and invites her to dinner.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
The Fear of Nice
"Wrote another story, just like that, yesterday before dinner!" Anais Nin wrote in her diary on October 3, 1929. "The Fear of Nice" is drawn from various diary entries in March of 1929 when Anais and her husband were on a business trip in Nice, so like many of her early stories, it is autobiographical.
The story is set in Nice, where a woman listens to some serenaders and compares them to her own life: "out of tune," "so often played on cheap instruments," "funny little note," screechy" and "wobbly" notes. She is out to dinner with her husband and notices a man who had been throwing money to the seranaders at the table next to them.
The men talk; they are both businessmen but have other interests outside of business that inspire them more. The man is not impressed with Nice, saying it's for people who like to do nothing, that it makes him despise the activity it takes to be a successful businessman. The woman and her husband enjoy the life of leisure and the rest it provides. They get their energy renewed then return to real life.
At the end of the story, the man tells the woman: "It isn't Nice I'm afraid of, it's you." Anais Nin is the woman; who is the man? John Erskine?
The story is set in Nice, where a woman listens to some serenaders and compares them to her own life: "out of tune," "so often played on cheap instruments," "funny little note," screechy" and "wobbly" notes. She is out to dinner with her husband and notices a man who had been throwing money to the seranaders at the table next to them.
The men talk; they are both businessmen but have other interests outside of business that inspire them more. The man is not impressed with Nice, saying it's for people who like to do nothing, that it makes him despise the activity it takes to be a successful businessman. The woman and her husband enjoy the life of leisure and the rest it provides. They get their energy renewed then return to real life.
At the end of the story, the man tells the woman: "It isn't Nice I'm afraid of, it's you." Anais Nin is the woman; who is the man? John Erskine?
Saturday, September 7, 2013
The Song in the Garden
This is an early story written by Anais Nin in 1929 or 1930, which was published in 1977. It's about a girl who discovers there are two types of people in the world: those who hear the song in the garden and are not changed, and those who hear the song in the garden and are changed. The girl in the story is the latter.
She discovered early on there was something unusual about herself. She wanted to understand the adult world and be where things were happening. She was very sensitive and tried to find others who were like herself. She sat on the balcony and thought about this. She went to the beach and discovered more.
She observed some people make so much noise on the outside, they can't hear what's going on inside themselves. The girl began writing and decided that's what mattered most because she could read what she wrote again and again and relive those memories. Even when she was away from the beach and back on the balcony, she could relive her days at the beach by reading what she had written.
She discovered her father's library and books that were better than what she had written. She read about a bigger world, far away places, people who were different from those she knew. There were thousands of cities and beaches, and everything was colorful and interesting to her. She was never bored because she could spend all her time reading about these things.
Her father warned her not to read a certain book, so of course, she read it. It was about a woman who went to a dinner party, was drugged, became pregnant, and did not know who was the father of her child.
The girl learned new words and learned of new worlds. Her father had 6,000 books, read them, studied them, then put them away without changing his expression or his life. She couldn't understand how her parents could continue to fill their house with uninteresting people and spend their time in only one city and one beach when there was so much more to life, as revealed in the books. She realized she would have to see the world and do real living herself. The books were the key to the world.
She went to museums and ruins she learned about in the books. She learned the books weren't the key; the key to the universe was inside of herself because everyone is affected in a different way by the things they see; meaning is unique.
The girl knew now that she had to live with fervor and with intelligence; she also had to not only live for an idea, or die for it, but also fight for it. Passion was born in her. She was not one of those people who preferred chocolate, detective stories, a secure life. Instead, she was one of those people who tries new things, takes risks, expands her world, grows as a person.
She discovered early on there was something unusual about herself. She wanted to understand the adult world and be where things were happening. She was very sensitive and tried to find others who were like herself. She sat on the balcony and thought about this. She went to the beach and discovered more.
She observed some people make so much noise on the outside, they can't hear what's going on inside themselves. The girl began writing and decided that's what mattered most because she could read what she wrote again and again and relive those memories. Even when she was away from the beach and back on the balcony, she could relive her days at the beach by reading what she had written.
She discovered her father's library and books that were better than what she had written. She read about a bigger world, far away places, people who were different from those she knew. There were thousands of cities and beaches, and everything was colorful and interesting to her. She was never bored because she could spend all her time reading about these things.
Her father warned her not to read a certain book, so of course, she read it. It was about a woman who went to a dinner party, was drugged, became pregnant, and did not know who was the father of her child.
The girl learned new words and learned of new worlds. Her father had 6,000 books, read them, studied them, then put them away without changing his expression or his life. She couldn't understand how her parents could continue to fill their house with uninteresting people and spend their time in only one city and one beach when there was so much more to life, as revealed in the books. She realized she would have to see the world and do real living herself. The books were the key to the world.
She went to museums and ruins she learned about in the books. She learned the books weren't the key; the key to the universe was inside of herself because everyone is affected in a different way by the things they see; meaning is unique.
The girl knew now that she had to live with fervor and with intelligence; she also had to not only live for an idea, or die for it, but also fight for it. Passion was born in her. She was not one of those people who preferred chocolate, detective stories, a secure life. Instead, she was one of those people who tries new things, takes risks, expands her world, grows as a person.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Waste of Timelessness
Anais Nin wrote this short story in late 1930, but it wasn't published until about the time of her death in 1977. It's also known as "the boat story," and tells a story about Alain Roussel who symbolizes the unattainable. She had difficulty getting it published when she first wrote it; it was rejected by the Adelphi literary journal and Vogue magazine. Her friends who read and commented on the story gave her such feedback as: "I like your manner of not overdeveloping, of indicating and suggesting, so that you get the reader's imagination creating," Her husband suggested she develop the story, say more, make it more clear, but she felt she had said all there was to say.
In the story, a woman attends a party at a friend of the great writer Alain Roussel's house, but he was not in attendance. In the garden was a boat, which the woman untied from a tree. The boat drifted down a river, like a person drifts around in life, like a person who wants to just get away from everyone and everything. Twenty years later, the woman decides to stop wasting time and get on with her life, begin anew, as she ties the boat back to the tree in the garden. She has lived like wisteria, persistent in her stubbornness, refusing to behave differently. She's been searching for a world that will conform to her philosophy; she's been looking for something better, something that's been missing. She's trying to escape her current life and come back completely changed. Until now. Now, she realizes you can't always have magic; you can't always live an uncommon life; you can't always escape ordinary living. If you chase happiness, it becomes elusive, unattainable.
You have this life. Go live it.
In the story, a woman attends a party at a friend of the great writer Alain Roussel's house, but he was not in attendance. In the garden was a boat, which the woman untied from a tree. The boat drifted down a river, like a person drifts around in life, like a person who wants to just get away from everyone and everything. Twenty years later, the woman decides to stop wasting time and get on with her life, begin anew, as she ties the boat back to the tree in the garden. She has lived like wisteria, persistent in her stubbornness, refusing to behave differently. She's been searching for a world that will conform to her philosophy; she's been looking for something better, something that's been missing. She's trying to escape her current life and come back completely changed. Until now. Now, she realizes you can't always have magic; you can't always live an uncommon life; you can't always escape ordinary living. If you chase happiness, it becomes elusive, unattainable.
You have this life. Go live it.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Summer, 1974: Bali
Anais Nin read a book 27 years before her trip to Bali that made her wish to visit the island, and it took her 27 years for her wish to come true. It was "now or never" time for Anais, as she is 71 years old, fighting cancer, with failing health.
A few notes on her visit there:
- soft, caressing climate
- smell of sandalwood and spices, magnolias and frangipani
- overwhelming beauty of the Balinese with long, glossy black hair, honey-colored skin, and sinuous walk
- stayed in a bungalow facing the sea
- gravel paths lighted by bamboo lanterns
- had candlelit dinners with music
- state of reverie
- 10,000 temples, where women were not allowed during menstruation
- no ugly houses
- belief that harmony and balance of body create inner balance of spirit
- no jails - offender must leave the island forever
- life, religion, and art converge - everyone is an artist, creativity is natural and widespread
- absence of anger and strong emotions except laughter
- belief that death is a freeing of the soul
Anais Nin asked herself while she was there, "Will I come back?" Life is short; she did not return to this special island.
A few notes on her visit there:
- soft, caressing climate
- smell of sandalwood and spices, magnolias and frangipani
- overwhelming beauty of the Balinese with long, glossy black hair, honey-colored skin, and sinuous walk
- stayed in a bungalow facing the sea
- gravel paths lighted by bamboo lanterns
- had candlelit dinners with music
- state of reverie
- 10,000 temples, where women were not allowed during menstruation
- no ugly houses
- belief that harmony and balance of body create inner balance of spirit
- no jails - offender must leave the island forever
- life, religion, and art converge - everyone is an artist, creativity is natural and widespread
- absence of anger and strong emotions except laughter
- belief that death is a freeing of the soul
Anais Nin asked herself while she was there, "Will I come back?" Life is short; she did not return to this special island.
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