Anais Nin has a friend that uses what she calls a "magic sieve," where she lets all the bad experiences pass through the sieve and lets the good memories remain. She is able and willing to let go internally of situations instead of accumulating junk which would create an emotional burden. Bad experiences can breed resentments, which can be fed with thoughts and lead to your carrying around unnecessary baggage. Anais's friend has learned not to keep the bad events or situations alive in her mind.
How does she accomplish this? By recreating herself each day. By getting busy and focusing on her dreams and building her relationships. By turning negative events into a comedy in her mind. By filling her life with music and books and interesting people. By transforming old things into new. By cooking with care.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
Summer, 1942: Basic Needs
Henry Miller writes in a letter to Anais Nin that he's got his fundamentals covered - a roof over his head, cigarettes, and food - so there's not much to worry about. Food and shelter are universal basic needs, but what else do we need? The answer varies by person. I can do without cigarettes, but I need 8 hours of sleep a night, and I need to drink a ton of water, and I need to have fun. What are your fundamentals, and do you have them secured?
Meanwhile, Anais is struggling. She thought that printing Winter of Artifice and the press in general would solve her money problems, but they haven't. She is focused on the difficulties in her life and compares climbing the five flights of stairs to her apartment to the struggles, fatigue, discouragement, problems, and burdens in her life. She is aware that tomorrow will be the same, as will the day after that, and the day after that... Her basic needs for money and a feeling of success are not being met.
Meanwhile, Anais is struggling. She thought that printing Winter of Artifice and the press in general would solve her money problems, but they haven't. She is focused on the difficulties in her life and compares climbing the five flights of stairs to her apartment to the struggles, fatigue, discouragement, problems, and burdens in her life. She is aware that tomorrow will be the same, as will the day after that, and the day after that... Her basic needs for money and a feeling of success are not being met.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
April, 1942: Roles & Expectations
We all play a role in some one's life, and we are often unaware of the expectations this other person has of us. Anais Nin speaks of her father and how he failed the role that she, the daughter, assigned him. She had certain expectations, and he did not live up to them. He did not protect her or comfort her or teach her or guide her or offer her companionship, and yet she saw him offer these things to others who did not even expect it of him. This lead her to judge him and be cruel to him.
Think of the different roles you play in your life. What guides you in each role? What is important to you in each area? What is important to the recipient of each role to which you are assigned? Roles give our lives definition and structure and lead us in certain directions and are certainly worthy of giving thought to.
Think of the different roles you play in your life. What guides you in each role? What is important to you in each area? What is important to the recipient of each role to which you are assigned? Roles give our lives definition and structure and lead us in certain directions and are certainly worthy of giving thought to.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
March, 1942: Wishes
When someone was writing a biography and asked Anais Nin where to begin, she replied, "Name, first of all, all the wishes you had, and then tell which ones came true and which ones did not."
This reminds me of a recent trip to New York. There was a list of what to do, which expanded when there, then became a list of what was done, and ended with a list of what to do next time.
This reminds me of a recent trip to New York. There was a list of what to do, which expanded when there, then became a list of what was done, and ended with a list of what to do next time.
Monday, June 25, 2012
January, 1942: Cure for Anger
Anais Nin buys a press which is delivered to her studio at 144 Macdougal Street. She finds paper, buys type, borrows a book from the library on how to print. Gonzalo runs the press, and Anais cuts paper and sets the type, which takes an hour and a half for the first half page.
She says this is a "marvelous cure for anger and frustration," working independently, creating an individually perfect world. It no longer matters that the publishers insult and reject her. The work is challenging, so she forgets everything else, and wakes up with "eager curiosity" to get to the press and begin work on Winter of Artiface.
"We learned the hard way, by experience, without a teacher. Testing, inventing, seeking, struggling." Anais continues, "We dreamt, ate, talked, slept with the press. We ate sandwiches with the taste of ink, got ink in our hair and inside our nails."
"The relationship to handcraft is a beautiful one." Anais elaborates, "You pit your faculties against concrete problems. The victories are concrete, definable, touchable. A page of perfect printing. You can touch the page you wrote. We exult in what we master and discover. Instead of using one's energy in a void, against frustration, in anger against publishers, I use it on the press, type, paper, a source of energy. Solving problems, technical, mechanical problems. Which can be solved."
Anais is happy. The press gives her energy. She uses this energy to generate a tangible, visible result. She has failures; she makes discoveries; she has triumphs. It is not frustrating, but it is a cure for frustration because the problems she encounters can be solved. That is key.
She says this is a "marvelous cure for anger and frustration," working independently, creating an individually perfect world. It no longer matters that the publishers insult and reject her. The work is challenging, so she forgets everything else, and wakes up with "eager curiosity" to get to the press and begin work on Winter of Artiface.
"We learned the hard way, by experience, without a teacher. Testing, inventing, seeking, struggling." Anais continues, "We dreamt, ate, talked, slept with the press. We ate sandwiches with the taste of ink, got ink in our hair and inside our nails."
"The relationship to handcraft is a beautiful one." Anais elaborates, "You pit your faculties against concrete problems. The victories are concrete, definable, touchable. A page of perfect printing. You can touch the page you wrote. We exult in what we master and discover. Instead of using one's energy in a void, against frustration, in anger against publishers, I use it on the press, type, paper, a source of energy. Solving problems, technical, mechanical problems. Which can be solved."
Anais is happy. The press gives her energy. She uses this energy to generate a tangible, visible result. She has failures; she makes discoveries; she has triumphs. It is not frustrating, but it is a cure for frustration because the problems she encounters can be solved. That is key.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
December, 1941: Heightened Living
Anais Nin connects with the poet George Barker, and everything flows as they talk and she realizes they are both searching for heightened living where they can love and write and dream and work and talk and sleep.
She meets Frances Steloff who opened the Gotham Book Mart almost 22 years earlier. Anais describes Frances as having antennae and a gift for friendship while welcoming "the unusual, the uncommercial, the avant-garde."
Anais takes a loft on Macdougal Street, across from the Provincetown theater on the top floor of an old house, surrounded by similar houses, giving the feeling of the casual, artist's life. Now this is heightened living.
She meets Frances Steloff who opened the Gotham Book Mart almost 22 years earlier. Anais describes Frances as having antennae and a gift for friendship while welcoming "the unusual, the uncommercial, the avant-garde."
Anais takes a loft on Macdougal Street, across from the Provincetown theater on the top floor of an old house, surrounded by similar houses, giving the feeling of the casual, artist's life. Now this is heightened living.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
November, 1941: Taming your Demons
Anais Nin lists her demons as anger, jealousy, envy, revengefulness, and vanity. She keeps them locked up, caged in the Diary. She believes everyone has demons which can destroy you if you don't tame them, control them. You can do harm to others. She lists Gonzalo's demons as jealousy and drink and Henry's as the drive to write, the drive to conquer the world, and a need to possess as many women as possible.
Anais wonders, who is the real Anais, the real Gonzalo, the real Henry? The one she knows, or the one they present to the world? She says we all have a thousand faces.
None of us is perfect; we all have faults and vices. We do well to focus on our positive qualities, encourage ourselves, accept ourselves. It takes courage to overcome life patterns. Many times, we become angry, jealous, envious because we take personally what others say to us when they are angry, jealous, envious themselves. Poisonous words and behaviors spread. Awareness is the first step towards changing our emotional reaction. We can still feel these emotions and seek to understand them. Perhaps we can write out our feelings in our diaries so that we too tame them and control them rather than harming others.
Anais wonders, who is the real Anais, the real Gonzalo, the real Henry? The one she knows, or the one they present to the world? She says we all have a thousand faces.
None of us is perfect; we all have faults and vices. We do well to focus on our positive qualities, encourage ourselves, accept ourselves. It takes courage to overcome life patterns. Many times, we become angry, jealous, envious because we take personally what others say to us when they are angry, jealous, envious themselves. Poisonous words and behaviors spread. Awareness is the first step towards changing our emotional reaction. We can still feel these emotions and seek to understand them. Perhaps we can write out our feelings in our diaries so that we too tame them and control them rather than harming others.
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