June, 1946: Emotional Algebra

"My basic theme is that of relationship. To explore all the variations, the subtleties of relationships. As it is in moments of emotional crisis that human beings reveal themselves most deeply, I choose to write more often about such moments. I choose the heightened moments because they bring to bear all the forces of intuition," Anais reveals in this entry of her Diary. "I choose the extraordinary moments of heightened revelations, the heightened ones because they are the moments of heightened revelations, of illuminations, of the greatest riches. They are the moments when the forces of the unconscious rise to the surface and take over. By this choice of the strongest moods, exaltations, states of being, I accentuate the reality of feeling and senses. I use the language of emotion and the senses, which is different from that of the intellect.

"My only structure is based on three forms of art - painting, dancing, music - because they correspond to the senses I find atrophied in literature today; and these forms are those most directly connected with life: the eyes, body, emotions," she continues.

"I write emotional algebra. All my life I have promised myself to begin at the beginning and tell the whole story very simply, step by step," she explains.

May, 1946: Rise above the Storms

"There is a way of living which makes for greater airiness, space, ease, freedom. It is like an airplane's rise above the storms. It is a way of looking at obstacles as something to overcome; of looking at what defeats us as a monster created by ourselves, within ourselves, by our fears, and therefore dissolvable and transformable," Anais says in this entry of her Diary.

April, 1946: On Writing

Anais says that psychoanalysis is the basic philosophy of her work; she accepts its premise that the unconscious rules and shapes our lives. She is inspired to write and says that the arts of symphony, ballet, and painting serve as symbols for things that cannot be said in words. For Anais, there is no separation between her craft and her life; the form of her writing is the form of her life. Nothing is artificial. The story she is trying to tell in her novelettes is how childhood creates characters and patterns of neurosis, and life becomes a symbolic play.

March, 1946: Relationships

Maya Deren is making a film, and Anais gathered up several friends to create a party scene for it. It was supposed to be spontaneous but undirected. It was expected that things would happen, and people would dance and talk.

Anais observed that nothing happened because "there was no connection of thought or feeling between the people acting, and so no tensions, no exchange of dramatic or comic moments. It was empty."

It reminded her of what she has often wondered about, what she has found lacking in America compared to Paris: vital relationships and passion are missing. These things can't be forced; they happen naturally.

February, 1946: Theme of America

In this entry, Anais says, "The theme of America is gigantism, grandiosity." She believes we make things and ourselves bigger to cover our weaknesses and helplessness. She thinks that anger leads to power which leads to this theme.

Anais does recognize the flip side of anger, its positive side, even though she tends to identify anger as negative and evil. The positive side is that it can lead to creation, change. You get tired of things being the way they are, and your frustration and anger give you energy and fuel you to do something about it or at least express your feelings through some art form.

January, 1946: Cure for the Problems of the World

This is a recurring theme in Anais Nin's diary writing - to rid the world of war and greed, each person must work on their own hostility, prejudice, and distortion of others because this is where hatred, and ultimately war, begin. This is the only solution.

She attempts to describe similar themes in her novelettes by focusing on neurosis and a world of blurred vision and broken connections that create drama and elusive problems. She believes there is neurosis in each of us, and if we become aware of our collective neurosis, talk about it, explore it, we will bring back into the world the alienated ones. With this awareness, we will be able to feel the poverty and hunger of others, and we will evolve and progress as caring human beings. Without the awareness, we are neurotic, self-centered, self-contained, blind to the problems and others and the world because we are stuck in our own dramas and depressions.

December, 1945: Gore Vidal

Anais recently met Gore Vidal, and she spends a great deal of time in this Diary entry developing his portrait, outlined below. He was considerably younger than she - 20 to her 42; in fact, he recently died, July 31, 2012.

-they slide easily into sincere, warm talk as he drops his armor, defenses
- intellectually, he knows everything
-psychologically, he knows the meaning of his mother abandoning him when he was 10, cheating him of a carefree childhood, happy adolescence. He and Anais bond as both were badly loved children who raised themselves, both stronger and weaker by it.
-he moves among men and women of achievement
-his demon is pride and arrogance
-he wants to be president of the United States
-he suffers from black depressions
-he is a boy without age who talks like an old man
-he responds quickly, never eludes, holds his ground, is firm and quick-witted, has an intelligent awareness, is attentive and alert, observant
-his father financed Amelia Earhart's fatal trip
-he has a feeling of power, feels he can accomplish whatever he wishes, has clarity and decisiveness, is capable of leadership