Winter, 1971 - 1972: Narcissism and Ego

This diary entry contains excerpts from many of the letters Anais Nin has received as a result of publication of her diaries. Her work consists of freeing people emotionally, helping people understand each other, and avoiding hatred and war. People are responding to her by the thousands.

She writes: "There was no ego in the Diary, there was only a voice which spoke for thousands, made links, bonds, friendships. All the clichés about self-absorption were destroyed. There was no one self. We were all one. The more I developed my self, the less mine it became. If all of us were as willing to expose this self, we would feel neither alone nor unique. I was so tired of the platitudes hurled at me. The two most misinterpreted words in the world: narcissism and ego. The simple truth was that some of us recognized the need to develop, grow, expand - occupations which are the opposite of those two words. To desire to grow means you are not satisfied with the self as it is, and the ego is exacting, not indulgent."

Fall, 1971: Year of Letters

Anais Nin describes 1971 as the year of letters: "The Diary became an exchange of letters. It was an avalanche of letters, all of them personal, intimate and like the demands of a friend." She gets up early every morning and opens a 6" briefcase that is full of letters to be answered. Every person feels they know her because she has revealed herself to them in the diary; they want her to know them as well and send her photographs and describe their lives in intimate detail.

Meanwhile, she has cancer and must force herself to rest. The love she feels from the letters and daily swims keep her from sinking into depression.

Summer, 1971: Students

Anais Nin continues to visit colleges, giving lectures and commencement addresses. She writes, "the students are the majority of my readers, and we have a rapport. They crowd around me; we sit on the floor, and we talk freely and intimately."

She receives "tons of mail" and realizes "women are going through a great crisis as they enter the larger world of man, fearing they must give up being a woman. They make me talk, but they refuse to acknowledge that some problems are personal, psychological, emotional, not all political."

Inner freedom comes from conquering our fears, and it takes work, she says.

Spring, 1971: Women's Movement

Flashback to the 1970's -- Anais Nin is giving lectures to feminist groups, and the second wave of the women's movement is at its height. (The first wave was in the 1920's and focused on voting rights among other things).

At one lecture, she "was subjected to outlandish attacks by aggressive women because I did not talk about the child-care center or equality in salary. I explained I was seeking to liberate them first of all psychologically so that they could produce the effective changes they wanted." She added that they are only adding to the fragmentation of the world because they do not know how to work in harmony. They are adding to hatred and division. It takes intelligent women to develop the human being and solve inequalities.

Anais receives a letter from a feminist who supports her and wishes that women like the aggressive women noted above would see beyond the details of the movement to true liberation, which comes from liking ourselves. She hopes that someday, they will understand, and encourages Anais to continue pursuing her dream.

Winter, 1970 - 1971: Musings

Anais Nin covers a variety of topics in this diary entry:

- she seeks permissions from Edmund Wilson and Gore Vidal for her portraits of them

- she states in a letter that she is now a political activist, though she didn't used to be

- she reads a script of Hermann Hesse's Steppenwolf

- she speaks of the "Christmas neurosis" - we want it to be magic, but it's false - people you haven't heard from all year suddenly send you a Christmas card

- some handicaps and pressures come from ourselves; examine this before we blame others for the traps in which we find ourselves

- "liberation is a state of mind, of being. It has to be achieved from within, and then it becomes an influence, it radiates outwardly, it achieves its energy and its aims creatively."

- she works 7:00 a.m. until midnight to keep up with letters and lectures and lists 25 places she has either lectured at or been invited to lecture

- "most women have felt what I have felt, but not all have actually been able to articulate it. The hardest things to write about are your emotions and intuitions."

- "very often, we fall into traps we set for ourselves, blaming our situation for our failure to act. We must become self-aware and self-honest so that we can deal with ourselves."

- she doesn't regret not having children. "I've created books, been a mother to people I have known, such as my students. I certainly don't think that every woman should have children, nor that women who aren't mothers are 'unfeminine.' Women shouldn't have to feel obligated to fulfill some obsolete definition of what a woman should be."

- "I put my energy in therapy as others do in religion or philosophy."

- she has coffee, toast, and eggs for breakfast

- she realizes she is helping women flower