Spring, 1967: Freedom in America

Anais Nin writes, "The freedom in America is an illusion. Transplanted from Europe, I was fully aware of the opposite of freedom in the air, so much Puritan disapproval, so much of the spectator and the voyeur, watching one live and jealous of those who live. So much negative criticism, so much hidden hostility, like the hostilities of old maids locked in small towns who sent poison pen letters and persecuted lovers. A sin to look inward, they feel, and yet that is why there is so much loss of identity. A sin to be personal, and yet that is why there is so much loneliness and alienation."

I am surprised she felt so much Puritan disapproval, living in New York and L.A., but I am not surprised she felt negative criticism, hidden hostility, loss of identity, and loneliness in these urban centers. So many different people, trying to get along in the world, ending each day at home to eat, drink, watch TV to escape the hustle, bustle, wear and tear of the city, feeling bored and lonely, waking up to do it all over again the next day.

January, 1967: Just Not Interested

In this entry of her diary, Anais Nin writes, "But tonight I could not communicate with people. There are times when the world I created and its personages seem more vivid than the ones before me."

She goes further to say, "There came a time when Proust was no longer interested in life itself, but in completing his work. Have I reached this point? Or is this an intermittent watertight compartment in which I find myself only when the people are not congenial?"

Does this happen as one grows older? Anais is about to turn 64 years old. She is finally enjoying life as a famous writer, along with the notoriety she has dreamed for. She's become very focused on finishing the editing and publication of her diary before she dies. Everything else has lost its importance.

What if, like many people her age, she didn't have this work to complete, nothing to drive her? Is this when depression sets in? Anais herself has battled with depression, even though she has enjoyed an interesting life, mixed and mingled with interesting people, been a writer with a self-created schedule and life. What would she feel like if she just had a normal life, a usual existence, like most people have?

Winter: 1966 - 1967: Anna ees

Anais Nin opens volume 7 of her diary with: "At a lecture I am asked to pronounce my name three times. I try to be slow and emphatic, "Anais - Anais - Anais. You just say 'Anna' and then add 'ees,' with the accent on the 'ees.'"

If you live in a watertight compartment of your self-created world, you may complain of loneliness she says of her friend.

In the 1930's Anais was more interested in passion than in intellect, more interested in love than in psychology. Now in the 1960's she can look back on her life as a composite, which is revealing its purpose and meaning. Passion and love, intellect and psychology, they were all part of her life, all part of who she has become.

Fall, 1966: New Woman

Anais Nin writes, "The past has not left me bitter or vengeful. I face the love, tributes I receive with pleasure. I am like a new woman, born with the publication of the Diary. This new woman is at ease with the world because whatever shyness is leftover from the past is helped by the fact that when I enter a room or a lecture hall people know me already and they rush toward me. Their warmth creates a climate in which I can open, respond, flower, return their love."

Isn't it true the way you believe you are perceived by the world affects the way you present yourself to the world? If you feel you are popular and well-liked, you present a happier, more out-going, confident face to the world. If you feel you are unliked or invisible, you present a shy, quiet, reserved self to the world.

Summer, 1966: Anais Journeys to the East

Anais Nin's Japanese publisher invites her to Japan to celebrate the publication of her novel, A Spy in the House of Love. She lands in Tokyo and visits the Imperial Hotel, designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. She has tea, lunch in a tempura bar, dinner in a geisha restaurant.

Anais says, "In Japan I had a weeping fit. The sweetness, kindness, consideration touched me. For once in my life I felt I was treated as I always treated people."

She also notes there are no homeless people, and "everybody is working, busy, disciplined. Cleanliness, being a religion, is practiced continuously."

Anais believes that Asia has discovered two remedies for the cruelty of man: art and religion. Without these, people are full of hate. There is a consideration for others that mitigates crime against others. Religion, she says, seems to be at the bottom of contentment.

She notes there is "no garbage on the floor, no defacement, no obscene scribblings as in New York's subways" on the trains in Japan. Everything is clean and cared for.

Spring, 1966: Volume I of the Diary is Published

Everything is happening for Anais Nin now that Volume I of the diary is published.

- she talks and reads from Henry Miller's Letters on a TV program

- part of her portrait of Otto Rank will be published in the Rank Journal

- she receives an invitation to visit Japan

- she reviews the plays of D.H. Lawrence for The New York Times

- she gives a talk at Barnard College

- she appears on Camera Three, reading from the diary

- she has a book-signing party at the Gotham Book Mart

- her mail box is full of letters and invitations

- she begins editing Volume II of the diary

Winter, 1965 - 1966: Neurosis

Anais Nin says, "Writing to a Belgian poet I admitted knowing the states he describes, the anxieties, missing heartbeats, failing intuitions, deserts, disconnection from other human beings, but I added that I had waged a constant and stubborn war against my neurosis. I never believed that creativity came from such seasons in hell as the romantics did. I gave my faith to psychoanalysis, and after many years the energy I wasted on anxieties ceased and I was able to work better, to live better, to commune with others, to be relaxed in the world. I had more intuitions, more states of illumination, more awareness, more inspiration and fertility than before. I truly believe that a perpetual season in hell can be exorcised."

Summer, 1965: Horror of Exposure

Anais Nin continues to discuss publication of her diary and fears associated with it. Her primary fear is hurting others because she has written the diary uncensored, as if no one would ever read it. Many people have what she calls a "horror of exposure" and don't want to be in the diary, or they want to read and approve what she has written about them before publication.

Another fear is how literary critics will respond. They have been so negative towards her novels; will they react the same way to her diary? Anais herself has a "horror of exposure" to the maliciousness of the world. She knows this fear is minor, however, as every artist has taken this risk as they bring their work to the world.

On the other hand, Anais Nin has faith in her diary and feels it is her best writing. She feels the introspection documented in her diary is her method of accomplishing her life's journey of self-creation. She disagrees with the concept that diary writing is narcissistic or neurotic. She is simply obsessed with portraying her life's experience and is driven to get the diary published before she dies.

Spring, 1965: Jean ("Yanko") Varda

Anais Nin writes about the Varda collages at the Brand Library in Glendale. Varda is an artist known for his collages. Anais reads her portrait of him from her book, Collages.

Since Anais's diary writing is reduced to a minimum because of the correspondence she is exchanging with various people, there is not much else to write about, so let's share some favorite quotes from 2012:

"Live your life like it's golden, because the reason we work is to do the things in life that we really want to do." - HR director quoted in the Red Eye

"When in doubt, go for it, whether it's wearing something you never thought you could wear, or doing something you never thought you could do." - Glamour magazine

"If someone resonates with what I say, they think I'm a genius. If someone thinks what I say is horrifying, they think I'm an idiot." - Alanis Morissette

"Fashion, like art, music, travel, literature and film, is one of the little gifts we get in this world." - Nina Garcia.

"Happiness is the only true measure of personal success. Making others happy is the highest expression of success." - Yahoo news

"I don't go on vacation to vacate my life but to fill it." - from the book, Drinking the Rain